This time to Swazi: Did we just get engaged?

When you get invited to a family introduction in Swaziland….

This is how the story goes: On Friday afternoon my sweet boyfriend Bhekive called his Dad whom we’ve been trying to make plans with for quite some time. His dad suggested we come by his house in the morning, to bring some food and drinks and have a casual get together. By evening these plans had unfolded rapidly. Word spread about this family gathering and soon enough we were making lists for groceries to bring and deciding on some sweets to bake. Can’t go wrong with cakes here in Swaziland!

So while we were busy baking Friday night, a sweet voice whispered in my ear that there would be a surprise tomorrow. My heart started pounding and my face was certainly blushing with that smile of mine that has yet to go away. I had a clue, but not the full inkling.

Swazi weddings are unique in both the engagements and the ceremonies, distinctive to each family and each circumstance. In this case, all that was going through my mind was that I must lock myself in my room and not get ‘taken away’ by Bhekive’s sisters and aunts in the middle of the night. In some situations this is Step 1 to both the engagement and the wedding. Thankfully though after baking for a few hours we opted for an early night and were woken only by excitement and because I wanted to get a quick workout in before a day of feasting and the so-often all day drinking sessions that occur in the villages.

Saturday was like any other beautifully hot morning and my workout was slower than usual watching the clock tick by, knowing I had to get back to finish the icing on the cake, look pretty in a dress (or long skirt was mandatory) and jet to the grocery store. Side note, in Swaziland there is no hurry so when I get anxious about keeping time, it’s nice to be reminded that 10am actually means after 11!

So we strolled down to the shops, gathered enough meat (very important) rice and ingredients for a beef stew - a definite favorite in Swazi culture. When we arrived at his Dad’s house some of his sisters had already arrived waiting to start chopping and preparing the meal. I was not allowed to assist in the preparations or the cooking, not until I was a part of the family (though it was our gathering thus we brought the food). We quickly learnt that we were expecting more than 30 relatives and had to do another run for chicken and so forth. We bought some drinks and then spent mid morning hanging out at his dad’s house surrounded by his sisters and many many kids. The guys generally stay outside, whereas the girls were inside either cooking or taking care of their babies; Bhekive though, was allowed to relax and enjoy the day with me inside.

At about 2 (though I’m not exactly sure of the time) the main family room cleared out and we arranged the couches and put down some mats for family to sit on. Bhekive and I were on the mats and one after another the men entered the room, followed by his sisters, cousins, aunts, wives and one of their grandmothers. The family tree is extensive and that may be a different story all together – summing roughly more than 200 people. It was quiet in the room and Bhekive and I were holding each other’s hands tightly (not often seen in Swazi relationships), though we were both getting anxious for the proceedings. One of his eldest brother’s spoke first – may I mention that mostly 98% was spoken in Swazi – he greeted all of us and wanted to thank us for being there and to welcome me to their family. Bhekive was next to stand up and said only a few simple but beautiful words. “Thanks Madoda for the introductions and I don’t think I have much more to say except that this is Laura Dowling (not Darling, a common mispronunciation in Swazi), she comes from Canada and we’ve been in a serious relationship and plan to marry soon.” Again, this statement was all in Swazi. Wow. Bhekive was nervous as can be, and I simply sat smiling, holding his foot as he spoke. After that I stood up and went around the room greeting each person that was there: “Sawubona. Unjani. Ngyiaphila. Yebo. Ngiyabonga.” [Hello, How are you? I’m fine. Yes. Thank you.] These are just some basic expressions but very common in Swazi greetings.

Shortly after it was his Dad (whom previously I was not allowed to speak with; according to tradition, this family introduction was the beginning to our relationship). Mr Makhanya who I believe is in his mid 70’s was gracious and welcomed me warmly and was looking forward to the relationship growing and for the wedding to come. He said now that this gathering took place, it proved that the relationship was serious as the family was now involved. After that, his brother spoke once again and had many questions for me regarding if my parents had met Bhekive yet, and how they would feel. We had to explain first of all what Skype was and how it worked, and secondly that yes, they had met briefly over the Internet.

Then it was quiet for a minute, and I remember looking at Bhekive and asked, “Soooo, does that mean we’re engaged?” Simply put, “Yes babe.” And then that was it. Followed by a quick question if I'd prefer for him to get down on his knee to propose and get a ring...

Food was served, grace was said, the cakes and cookies were thoroughly enjoyed and the drinks let the rest of the time pass by rather quickly. I had brought a small bottle of Canadian Crown Royal to his dad and enjoyed all the dancing, playing with kids, and meeting some of the relatives who were able to join on such short notice! Though Bhekive and I left closer to midnight, the party and the visitors didn’t stop until the next morning and afternoon.

We woke up asking each other if it was really true and full of hugs and smiles we continued celebrating until late Sunday night with our dear dear friends. Might I add the Champagne was a tasty treat that afternoon followed by a typical Swazi braai or bbq.

What was next to come was the Skype call home, excitement and a never ending smile on our faces as we are starting to think about some wedding plans. Yay!

From all the love and wishes from my friends and family all over the world, I can only hope for one big celebration where all of us are in the same place at the same time! (Ok, one hint: maybe they’ll be Swazi and a Canadian wedding). Stay tuned J